Cancer and its affects

From Leah; A 1993 Poem. “Wondrous Love”

2010-03-09T20:12:00.000-08:00

From Leah; A 1993 Poem. “Wondrous Love”
by J. Allen Wilson

In the course of cleaning out the hidden treasures of the past, I fumbled through a stack of medical records, and tucked between the sheets was this poem that my late wife Leah had written. It is a poem which I had never seen, but one that truly affirms to me where she now resides…in the presence of Jesus. It is not that I never doubted, for her faith was like none that I had ever seen. If we all could but have a fraction of the faith that she carried with her, then I am positive that we too shall see Jesus.

This is translated as best as I could as there was many a strike troughs’, as it was written on an old royal typewriter…this was before we got our first computer. Therefore I post this poem of hers titled “Wondrous Love” in memory of her wondrous love and faith. I do this in her memory; I do this to honor the sweetness of the past. I hope you all will find the peace in it as I did…God Bless you all…Allen

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From Leah; A 1993 Poem. “Wondrous Love”

Are you there, I asked in the dark of night,

With nothing visible, all held from my sight?

I thought it was a whisper, but ‘twas only the wind,

Gentle and fragrant as I asked again, are you with me?

Are you close by?

Still lay no sound but the oceans dark tide.

A teardrop trickled down my face,

as loneliness took me into its embrace.

‘Twas then that He spoke so sweetly to me,

And reminded me of the promises the He’d made to me.

“I’ll never leave you or forsake you my child,

For wherever you go, I’ll be there as a lamp unto your feet,

And a light unto your path, thus cast all your cares upon me…JUST ASK.”

A smile crossed my face as I then beheld the beauty of that moment,

The beauty of His wondrous love, it was that which I felt.

For now as I looked at the once dark and ominous sea.

Glorious shimmers of the full moons light,

now kissed the waves as they too rose in delight.

They also felt my Saviors’ presence as I knelt there humble before the King.

He my savior who had promised to share the treasures of heaven with me.

Oh to share with Him such an abundant life, upon this earth.

Oh such an awesome thought that He gave His all for me, so that I,

may forever one day be with Him throughout eternity.

Leah Cecile Wilson © 1993

2010-02-02T19:50:00.000-08:00

It has been sometime since I have last posted any thoughts to this page. I am still seeking stories on how cancer has affected YOUR life. I know that it is not an easy thing to write about, and often we just try to forget. However, I would like to encourage any who may have heart for another to share their story. All proceeds after the cost of publication will be dedicated to Hospice. I am looking for stories that inspire. Each contributing author will receive a free book with their testimony in the preface if so desired. Also I will be sectioning off an “In Memory Chapter” where photos and brief dedications can be included. This for me is a labor in love; a love for all who have endured as I will be paying out of my own pocket to have this published and advertized . This is not about money, but rather a tool to perhaps bless others. I am looking for stories in the 1000 to 2000 word range in word format. So think about it…pray about it, and think of how YOUR words can be a solace to others who also, and will walk the very road that both you and I have travelled. All submissions can be sent via email to Jallenwilson@bellsouth.net .Upon receipt of the story, I will email you a release form to sign and return by post acknowledging your permission to publish your story. I have attached a video that I made shortly after my wife’s passing. I hope you will have time to view it.

In dedication and memory of my late wife Leah Cecile Wilson who fought against the ravages of pancreatic cancer and never once gave up on her faith in God, but proclaimed HIS name by witness to others right up to the last minute when she passed away in my arms and went home to be with Jesus.

2010-01-05T20:46:00.000-08:00

With any loss comes an emotion that sometimes drives us to question God. I have done this on many occasions. I know that God is real, and I know that He died for us all so that we may all live life more abundantly. Yet He also gave each of us a calling…a gift, and we are to use that gift to edify Him. We all can do this in many ways. He wants us all to bless others, and to extend a helping hand. The project which I like to call it will require many hands reaching out to others. I need your story about how cancer has affected you. Whether you are going through cancer at this time, or if you have lost someone to cancer…I need your story so that I can put together a book to share with all generations. Therefore please consider making your contribution. This will not make you rich except in the eyes of the Lord as your words will become a living testimony for others. I will be accepting stories through April and hope to have it all in production by fall 2010. Each contributor will receive a free book with their bio and photograph if so desired. I will receive nothing as this will be my Gift unto others as all proceeds will go to Hospice in order to allow them to give the best care as possible. Please…if you would like to help, then send to me in word format a minimum of 750 words and a maximum of 1500 words to Jallenwilson@bellsouth.net I know it will be hard to do this for many as is evidenced by my plaintiff cry in the poem below…but we all must remember…this is not about us…but how we can help others…HELP ME HELP OTHERS by submitting…God Bless you all.

Allen

I am Too Stupid, But Too Smart

I’m Too Stupid, but I’m Too Smart
I fell before the sun in my own wisdom,
I chased yesterday’s dreams,
Yet I fell short, yet I come apart at the seams,

I thought I knew what the morrow may bring,
I clung to hope, I sought for the heavens,
I hope to hear for angels to sing,

But yet I drown myself in sorrows,
I hide myself behind walls,
Because I fail to feel,
But I want to feel again,
But I’m afraid, because again, it becomes too real

I’m too stupid, but I’m too smart,
To feel the way I feel in my heart,
I search for rainbows, but I draw back empty air.
I search for tomorrows, and I find even in myself I don’t care,

I hope and dream and I want to be real,
I want to love again, I want to feel,
I want to see the sun; I want to see the stars,
I want to feel the moon and the love
that will forever and ever rest in my heart,

But I cloud my mind, with so many things,
I’m disrupted in the night by awful dreams,
I remember the children with burnt out eyes,
And mothers that lay in their lamenting cries,

Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus, what can I do?
Because you know God, you know God,
in my heart that I only want to serve You,

You have blessed me with so many gifts,
You’ve blessed me with such a wonderful life,
Yet you have put me through such a journey,
You have shown me such strife.

I’m too stupid, but yet too smart
To realize all these things,
But Lord, Oh Lord God,
I’ve got to realize that you are the King of Kings,

I’ve held out my hand, and I have prayed, and on my face I have laid,
And yet I have wondered if you have even heard my cry
And often, yet so often in my sleep often I have felt that I have died,

But I awake each morning, with a new day on my face,
And I wonder still why you show me your grace,

I drift, I drift and I sleep,
And often, many times, unbeknownst to others, I weep
Oh Jesus, before you I cry, Help me make it through this day,
And deliver me before I die.

J. Allen Wilson © 1/5/2010

2009-12-31T17:49:00.000-08:00

Memories of the past should in time become sweet. Yet when loosing someone to cancer, as they pass away in your arms, it is sometimes difficult for all the memories to be sweet. Help me help others as I compile fifty stories of how cancer has affected your life. Help me put this book together in order to bless others with all proceeds after cost going to Hospice. This is not about money…but about love for our fellow man.

The End Of A Year

I lay my head down this day to sleep away my silent fears.
I awoke alone in the black darkness of this last night of the year.
A heavy fog was present, as seen through the back glass of time.
I pondered the trials of this year, and look forward to saying goodbye to 2009.

I only pray that 2010 will be the start of new life born again anew.
Yet even in this Leah, no matter the number of the passage of days,
No matter the expanse of time, I guess in some way I will always remember you.

All I have to do is to see Alexandria Rose, and hold her in my arms, and you are there.
She is like you in so many ways with her little curtsy down to the blond curls in her hair.
This was the second Christmas and the second New Year that you are not here.
Yet I believe this one was worse because I was so much in denial of your passing than on the first.

You know what they say about the New Year, do you not?
Out with the old, and in with the new, and old times not forgot.
So I will be packing away this year all your precious little things.
I will be looking toward tomorrow and clinging to the hope it brings.

J. Allen Wilson © 12/31/2009

2009-12-27T14:06:00.000-08:00

The following letter is one that I received from a woman who knew my late wife Leah Cecile from school days together. She read my book “Glimpse of an Angel” and wrote me this heartfelt letter. We spoke just last night and shared many memories. She also agreed to submit her story about how cancer has affected her life, and how God has always been there for her even in her darkest hour.
I post this in effort to encourage others to submit their stories as I only want to put into print what I believe will inspire. Fifty; three page stories will be selected and all proceeds after cost of publication and advertisement will go to Hospice to help others on this journey. I hope that you will join me in thanksgiving and prayer by submitting your own personal story. Below is the letter from a woman whom we will only at this time call Gail.
Thank you and may God Bless
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Hi There! I only met you one time, at Ware Shoals High School, when we had our High School Reunion. You brought Cecile. I do not know Leah, for she was always Cecile to me, my dearest and closet friend, before I married and we drifted apart, Cecile and me.

I know the pain you feel, because I lost my precious husband on February 7th of this year. Then on August 4th, I lost my Mother. The pain of losing them is almost unbearable. If I didn't have a close and personal relation with God, I would not be able to get through it, especially this Christmas Season. This has been the hardest time for me yet. I pray it doesn't get any worse than this.

Then I bought your book, "Glimpse of an Angel", and my heart breaks all over again, and I mourn for Cecile now, as I go with you, through her last months of her time on earth. I haven't even gotten half way through the book, but I felt I just had to get in touch with you to let you know that there was still another, whose life was touched by hers. Through reading your book, you have brought her back to me, only to take her from me again. But I cherish the memories I have of her, and I thank you for giving me a glimpse of her later and last years. Yes, she truly was an angel.

When I think of her, the first thing I see in my mind's eye, is that little wink and smile. How sweet it is, to know that others were captured by that wink and sweet smile. And I remember the special way she even moved. Like no one else I know. It was with a little sexy wiggle, she being the only one that was not aware of it. It was just Cecile, and I loved her. She was, as you said, sweet and innocent as a child. I even remember how she used to get in the car, sticking one knee up on the seat and then crawling in, like a child. I always laughed and kidded her about that.

We used to laugh about things that now, seem so very silly, when I think back on them, but if we were together now, we'd still laugh about those same things. We had such fun! I remember our days in the High School Marching Band. Boy, I can still see us, in our band uniforms. Her with her drum and I with my coronet. Then there was the homecoming banquet, and I thought we were supposed to wear evening gowns!!! So I showed up very inappropriately dressed and she was wearing a really nice skirt and matching jacket (so very appropriate for the occasion). I was soooo embarrassed, but bless her heart, she just acted like it was the perfect dress. And I enjoyed the party in spite of the humiliation. That, to this day, is the only bad memory from our years together, and she made it okay, too. Then there was the time some of the guys called me Olive Oyl, because I was so skinny! We laughed about that for a long time.

I do hope Mrs. Looney is doing well. Please tell her hello for me. She was always so sweet and kind to me, and how about Tommy? I believe the last time I heard from him, he was in Clemson. I would like to hear from you and to find out where Sherry and Alan are. I know they miss their mom.

Dedication Video

2009-12-17T20:31:00.000-08:00

In dedication and memory of my late wife Leah Cecile Wilson who fought against the ravages of pancreatic cancer and never once gave up on her faith in God, but proclaimed HIS name by witness to others right up to the last minute when she passed away in my arms and went home to be with Jesus. SEE BLOG ARCHIVE FOR ALL VIDEOS

To What Good Purpose?

2009-12-12T19:08:00.000-08:00

To What Good Purpose

To what good purpose should I endure this strife?
To what shall be the end and the meaning of this simple life?
Should not all my days have meaning?
So pray tell why I should keep dreaming

For I see a world consumed in the position of self-
Starving are the nations, hungry are the barons of wealth.
So to what good purpose is it?
I one who sees a world in such discord
To what good purpose is it that I –
With rose colored glasses seemingly survives.

Never quit loving…never quit giving…better still…never quit believing.
J. Allen Wilson © 12/12/2009

If your life has been affected by cancer in anyway, I want to hear your story. I will be taking 50 stories of the heart and put them into a new book called Cancer and its effects on those left behind. Each accepted contributor will receive a copy of the book with an introductory write-up and photo if so desired. This is not about money since the majority of proceeds after cost will go the benefit Hospice.

For to what good purpose is it that we shall be?

2009-12-11T09:47:00.000-08:00

Cancer; Promises and Love---How Has Cancer Affected YOUR Life?

My question to you the reader is this. How has cancer affected your life? How has it changed the way you see things? Do you still mourn even if has been sometime? For to share is to release, and to release is to heal. I want to hear your story, I want to feel and share your pain as well as share mine with you. If you have a story to tell, then I want to hear it and in an odd sort of way be here for you. I know your pain; your hurt and dismay. Please share so that we all who read may this find the light unto recovery. Contact information is below this, my first insert.

The letter “C” can be the start of many words. This letter of the alphabet alone does not carry much weight. However, add a few more letters with it and it can grow to mean many things. For example, if you were to add an A…and an R and finally an E, you can derive the word CARE. Then you have ANCER placed after the C and you come up with CANCER. I used to think that this word only happened to other people. Though I would feel bad for those involved, and I would pray for them, I never really knew that word on a personal basis. Unfortunately my personal knowledge of that word; that black curse would soon invade my own life.

It first fell upon my ears in the summer of 2008 when my lovely wife of twenty-three years was diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer. She was given less than six weeks to live. However she held on for three months to see our last anniversary on August the 24th and then even still two weeks longer until she passed away in my arms on her birthday September the 7th. Now I too have felt the sting of death that starts with the simple letter “C”.
This has dealt an immeasurable impact on my life. For you see, I only thought that this happened to other people. We were both Christians; we went to church, we worshiped God, and we believed. So, I ask myself even as I pen this blog…How could this happen to us?

I have since written a book which I entitled “GLIMPSE OF AN ANGEL”. The reasoning behind this book was, and is not to achieve fame a glory, yet rather an explication of what it is to walk through, and live with the scarlet letter “C” impaled upon ones heart for eternity. Fortunately for me, I was in a position at my place of employment that I was able to take a leave and care for my wife at home right up to the very end. For more information about this Journey, then please visit any of the following sites.
http://glimpseofanangel.com/default.aspx
http://www.throughfaithandfear.com/index.php
http://www.jallenwilson.com/

Or you can write to me by post at the following; I look forward to hearing from you.
J. Allen Wilson
PO BOX 464
Belton, SC. 29627