With any loss comes an emotion that sometimes drives us to question God. I have done this on many occasions. I know that God is real, and I know that He died for us all so that we may all live life more abundantly. Yet He also gave each of us a calling…a gift, and we are to use that gift to edify Him. We all can do this in many ways. He wants us all to bless others, and to extend a helping hand. The project which I like to call it will require many hands reaching out to others. I need your story about how cancer has affected you. Whether you are going through cancer at this time, or if you have lost someone to cancer…I need your story so that I can put together a book to share with all generations. Therefore please consider making your contribution. This will not make you rich except in the eyes of the Lord as your words will become a living testimony for others. I will be accepting stories through April and hope to have it all in production by fall 2010. Each contributor will receive a free book with their bio and photograph if so desired. I will receive nothing as this will be my Gift unto others as all proceeds will go to Hospice in order to allow them to give the best care as possible. Please…if you would like to help, then send to me in word format a minimum of 750 words and a maximum of 1500 words to Jallenwilson@bellsouth.net I know it will be hard to do this for many as is evidenced by my plaintiff cry in the poem below…but we all must remember…this is not about us…but how we can help others…HELP ME HELP OTHERS by submitting…God Bless you all.

Allen



I am Too Stupid, But Too Smart

I’m Too Stupid, but I’m Too Smart
I fell before the sun in my own wisdom,
I chased yesterday’s dreams,
Yet I fell short, yet I come apart at the seams,

I thought I knew what the morrow may bring,
I clung to hope, I sought for the heavens,
I hope to hear for angels to sing,

But yet I drown myself in sorrows,
I hide myself behind walls,
Because I fail to feel,
But I want to feel again,
But I’m afraid, because again, it becomes too real

I’m too stupid, but I’m too smart,
To feel the way I feel in my heart,
I search for rainbows, but I draw back empty air.
I search for tomorrows, and I find even in myself I don’t care,

I hope and dream and I want to be real,
I want to love again, I want to feel,
I want to see the sun; I want to see the stars,
I want to feel the moon and the love
that will forever and ever rest in my heart,

But I cloud my mind, with so many things,
I’m disrupted in the night by awful dreams,
I remember the children with burnt out eyes,
And mothers that lay in their lamenting cries,

Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus, what can I do?
Because you know God, you know God,
in my heart that I only want to serve You,

You have blessed me with so many gifts,
You’ve blessed me with such a wonderful life,
Yet you have put me through such a journey,
You have shown me such strife.

I’m too stupid, but yet too smart
To realize all these things,
But Lord, Oh Lord God,
I’ve got to realize that you are the King of Kings,

I’ve held out my hand, and I have prayed, and on my face I have laid,
And yet I have wondered if you have even heard my cry
And often, yet so often in my sleep often I have felt that I have died,

But I awake each morning, with a new day on my face,
And I wonder still why you show me your grace,

I drift, I drift and I sleep,
And often, many times, unbeknownst to others, I weep
Oh Jesus, before you I cry, Help me make it through this day,
And deliver me before I die.

J. Allen Wilson © 1/5/2010